These are real one and two-star reviews left at London cafés, and the reply that is actually published underneath each one today. In the third column is the reply our software writes for the same review.
Business names, email addresses and reviewers' names are removed. We are not naming anyone and we are not claiming to know what software wrote the middle column — a Google reply is written by the business. The comparison is with what is out there, not with a brand.
Underneath every reply — theirs and ours — is the same measurement, run by the same checks. Anchoring asks whether the reply touches anything the reviewer actually wrote; a reply that could sit under any review at any business scores near zero. The badges are the rules the reply broke.
Ordered a dry Martini with a lemon twist. Got a 50/50 dry vermouth/ vodka monster full of ice chunks and with two lemon slices. I know this is not a cocktail bar, but it if you have it on the menu, at least bartenders should know how to do it properly.
We appreciate your feedback, ———. We would love the opportunity to resolve any issues. Kindly send your contact details to ———. Our Operations Manager and General Manager will personally reach out to address your concerns in detail. We are committed to delivering exceptional service to every guest and appreciate the opportunity to learn and improve from this experience. Thank you for allowing us to make things right. P.S.: ——— your privacy, please avoid sharing personal details in this reply.
A dry Martini on the menu is a commitment. The ratio should be nothing close to equal parts, the spirit is gin unless vodka is asked for, and ice is there to chill the drink — not to serve in it. The twist is a twist. ——— aren't matters of interpretation, and we'd rather not have it on the menu than have it land the way you've described.
Checked before it reached this page, by the same list.
The service and decor are very nice however the food is overpriced. by at least £10 per dish in some cases. The food was okay but not worth the prices.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, ———. We’d love to hear how we could earn 5 stars from you. Kindly send your contact details to ———. Our Operations Manager and General Manager will personally reach out to address your concerns in detail. We are committed to delivering exceptional service to every guest and appreciate the opportunity to learn and improve from this experience. Thank you for allowing us to make things right. P.S.: ——— your privacy, please avoid sharing personal details in this reply.
Thanks for the kind words on the service and the room. On price — a £10 gap per dish would put us well outside the local market, and we don't think that holds up. What we charge reflects what goes into each plate, and that's a calculation we look at carefully.
Checked before it reached this page, by the same list.
Been here before at lunchtime and had the BLT which was lovely. ——— time it was busy and staff were quick to serve and attentive. ——— returned to ——— for a weekend break I suggested we visit ——— ——— as I'd enjoyed it the last time I was here. It was late morning so we ordered breakfast food. I had the Croque Madame and my husband had the ——— ———. Both our meals were look warm. I struggled to eat mine as a few mouthfuls in it had cooled significantly. My husband asked for his eggs to be well done but they were pretty inedible when they came. The picture in the menu shows 2 sausage, a few slice of bacon etc but it came with one of each. ——— just under £18 it was basic. My husband said the bacon had been lying and was dry and the eggs were like rubber. When we went to pay that was when they shock came. My Croque Madame was literally a brioche Toastie, but apparently it was £21!!! They had a cheek to add a service charge of £6. Our total bill was over £57 for a basic cooked breakfast, 2 teas, and a glorified ———. ——— of us finished our food. The staff didn't ask why and I couldn't be gassed getting into it. They had a vibe of 'couldnt be bothered'. I'll not be back. ——— dotted all over London and I'll be sure to avoid them too. ———, because the last time I ate there it was lovely. ———, I don't mind premium prices for food but I expect the food to be memorable for all the right reasons not the wrong ones.
Hi ———. At ——— ——— ——— ——— , we aim to provide positive experiences at all times. Is there anything we could do to make it better? Kindly send your contact details to ———. Our Operations Manager and General Manager will personally reach out to address your concerns in detail. We are committed to delivering exceptional service to every guest and appreciate the opportunity to learn and improve from this experience. Thank you for allowing us to make things right. P.S.: ——— your privacy, please avoid sharing personal details in this reply.
The temperature point is the one that matters most here — a Croque Madame and a ——— ——— both need to arrive properly hot, and lukewarm isn't a style choice. The service charge is optional and can be removed before you pay; that should have been made clear at the time. We're glad the BLT visit was a good one. We'd hope the kitchen can match it.
Checked before it reached this page, by the same list.
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Read one reply, freeReviews and replies are public and were read from live Google listings in August 2026. Names of businesses and reviewers have been removed. Our replies were produced by the same pipeline that serves customers — nothing here was written or edited by hand.