These are real one and two-star reviews left at London cafés, and the reply that is actually published underneath each one today. In the third column is the reply our software writes for the same review.
Business names, email addresses and reviewers' names are removed. We are not naming anyone and we are not claiming to know what software wrote the middle column — a Google reply is written by the business. The comparison is with what is out there, not with a brand.
Underneath every reply — theirs and ours — is the same measurement, run by the same checks. Anchoring asks whether the reply touches anything the reviewer actually wrote; a reply that could sit under any review at any business scores near zero. The badges are the rules the reply broke.
Ordered a dry Martini with a lemon twist. Got a 50/50 dry vermouth/ vodka monster full of ice chunks and with two lemon slices. I know this is not a cocktail bar, but it if you have it on the menu, at least bartenders should know how to do it properly.
We appreciate your feedback, Francisco. We would love the opportunity to resolve any issues. Kindly send your contact details to wecare@caffe———.———. Our Operations Manager and General Manager will personally reach out to address your concerns in detail. We are committed to delivering exceptional service to every guest and appreciate the opportunity to learn and improve from this experience. Thank you for allowing us to make things right. P.S.: For your privacy, please avoid sharing personal details in this reply.
A dry Martini on our menu means our team knows how to make one — spirit-forward, stirred, with a proper twist. We'll be looking at how that one was put together, because the standard matters to us regardless of how cocktail-focused the rest of the menu is.
Checked before it reached this page, by the same list.
Very disappointing experience. I ordered fish and chips, but the fish was practically raw and badly cooked. The Margherita pizza also had a strong fishy smell, which was very unpleasant. Unfortunately, the food quality was not acceptable and I would not recommend this place.
Hi, Leena. We are sorry to hear that we didn’t meet your expectation. We have very high expectations at ——— ——— ——— and would love the opportunity to improve. Kindly send your contact details to wecare@caffe———.———. Our Operations Manager and General Manager will personally reach out to address your concerns in detail. We are committed to delivering exceptional service to every guest and appreciate the opportunity to learn and improve from this experience. Thank you for allowing us to make things right. P.S.: For your privacy, please avoid sharing personal details in this reply.
These are serious points about cooking and cross-contamination of smells, and we take both seriously. Fish is cooked to order and checked before it leaves the kitchen, and our fish and pizza preparation are kept well apart. If something fell short of that on the day, we'd want to understand it — but we can't square the description with how our kitchen operates.
Checked before it reached this page, by the same list.
Been here before at lunchtime and had the BLT which was lovely. Last time it was busy and staff were quick to serve and attentive. Having returned to ——— for a weekend break I suggested we visit Caffe ——— as I'd enjoyed it the last time I was here. It was late morning so we ordered breakfast food. I had the Croque Madame and my husband had the Full English. Both our meals were look warm. I struggled to eat mine as a few mouthfuls in it had cooled significantly. My husband asked for his eggs to be well done but they were pretty inedible when they came. The picture in the menu shows 2 sausage, a few slice of bacon etc but it came with one of each. For just under £18 it was basic. My husband said the bacon had been lying and was dry and the eggs were like rubber. When we went to pay that was when they shock came. My Croque Madame was literally a brioche Toastie, but apparently it was £21!!! They had a cheek to add a service charge of £6. Our total bill was over £57 for a basic cooked breakfast, 2 teas, and a glorified Toastie. Neither of us finished our food. The staff didn't ask why and I couldn't be gassed getting into it. They had a vibe of 'couldnt be bothered'. I'll not be back. They're dotted all over London and I'll be sure to avoid them too. Shame, because the last time I ate there it was lovely. Furthermore, I don't mind premium prices for food but I expect the food to be memorable for all the right reasons not the wrong ones.
Hi, Yvonne . At ——— ——— ——— ——— , we aim to provide positive experiences at all times. Is there anything we could do to make it better? Kindly send your contact details to wecare@caffe———.———. Our Operations Manager and General Manager will personally reach out to address your concerns in detail. We are committed to delivering exceptional service to every guest and appreciate the opportunity to learn and improve from this experience. Thank you for allowing us to make things right. P.S.: For your privacy, please avoid sharing personal details in this reply.
The Croque Madame is a brioche-based dish — that is how it is made across our menu, and the price reflects the kitchen preparation involved rather than being a surprise we'd expect anyone to absorb without question. On temperature and portion, we hold a clear standard for both, and a Full English at that price should arrive properly cooked and as presented. The service charge is optional and removable at the till.
Checked before it reached this page, by the same list.
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Read one reply, freeReviews and replies are public and were read from live Google listings in August 2026. Names of businesses and reviewers have been removed. Our replies were produced by the same pipeline that serves customers — nothing here was written or edited by hand.