In August 2026 we read every reply we could find published by 8 cafés in Jesmond — 230 of them. This page is what we counted. Nothing on it is estimated, and no business is named.
Replies here run at or below the Newcastle median of 27 words. Short is fine — short and specific is what works. Short and generic is what most of these are. 43% of them touch nothing the reviewer actually wrote.
These appear word-for-word under reviews at more than one business here. Nobody copied anyone — they arrived at the same sentence independently, which is what makes it a template.
“Hi ———, We appreciate the time you took to visit us and for taking the time to leave a 5 star review.”
2 cafés“We hope that we can welcome you back again soon!”
2 cafés“Hi ———, Thank you for taking the time to visit us and taking the time to leave a review.”
2 cafésCounted across the 230 reviews we read here. Each one has its own page, with real examples and how the published replies handled them.
There was three of us, the staff were really lovely, helpful and efficient, the food portions were small, too small, and I’m not a big eater, food was nothing special and I thought the coffee was tasteless. Nice place to sit, inside and out, thought maybe a bit of salad with the food would have been a good idea. Unfortunately won’t return as I don’t think it was value for money.
Hi ———, we’re really sorry to hear your feedback on the food. Please can you let us know what you ate so that we can relay this information to our head chef. We are always looking to improve and your criticism may be constructive. Please email ——— thanks ———
The staff comments are genuinely appreciated. On portion size, we do think about what sits well on the plate and what makes sense alongside the food — a little more balance there is a fair point. ——— is where we're probably most particular: tasteless isn't something we'd let stand without looking at what was ordered and how it came out.
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